FOR THE MEMBERS AND APPLICANTS OF THE UP GEOSOC

i know that this is not what you guys would like to read.
and not what you guys would want to know.
and since i don't want any fuss, here it is.

I WON'T BE CONTINUING MY APPLICATION FOR GEOSOC.

there. i've said it.
that was what i was thinking while walking to physics lab earlier.
what i was hinting when i said "friend" of geosoc for the choralfest.

i guess it was coming on to me ever since theme week.
i wanted to finally finish the application process then and become a member of geosoc, so i didn't entertain the thought. but then it's something which has been creeping on my mind and feeding on my energy. i guess it finally won this time.

no offense on the members of geosoc, but putting effort on something that will make me happy sort of beats the purpose. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i want it served for me. and i know that this is a spur of the moment. maybe tegan and sara got me too emo. maybe my music got me too worked up and distracted. maybe its for the best. maybe i'll regret this decision and will acquit me of any more faults.

think of it as a fair warning that i don't really deserve to be a member. that other people deserve to be in it. but i will still be in the peripheries of the activities. maybe this will be good for me. and you all.

the ride was good and fun, but it was too stressful to do for me. maybe my threshold for effort is less than the effort required for me to join you guys. and to that i'm sorry. sorry that i let you guys down. sorry to make you hope.

what i really wanted was connection. making friends. making bonds that matter. making friends with you all has beaten the purpose of me joining. maybe this move will sever some of those connections, but it doesn't really matter. that break means that the bond was too weak to start with, and will not really be strong.

sorry that i am just putting this in my blog. maybe i'm too cowardly to see your surprised faces when i say it in person. maybe i don't want to see you dissappointed. maybe i don't want to feel your burning eyes and sharp words.

maybe i'll remain orgless for life. maybe i'll join another org. maybe i'll shift. or stop. i hope it isn't the last two.

sorry for letting batch-oi down. i don't know what to say. but please do not think of this as a free ticket to join me and quit too.

sorry for my buddy. my two buddies. sorry for not filling you in. sorry for not finishing. sorry for not giving the chance to try again.

i still love geosoc. i'll still be here. not as a full-fledged member, but as a supporter of your work. i will still give my help, if it is needed. if you still want my help. maybe i'm cheating. maybe it's unfair.

just tell me when to stop. tell me when to stop caring. tell me when to stop helping. tell me when i need to stop hanging out. maybe i'll be unpopular. maybe i'll be unwanted. but i promise not to say bad things about the org. i promise not to do anything that will put the org in bad graces to others. maybe i'll be a hypocrite in trying to persuade others to join the geosoc without myself being a member. but that's okay. i'll take my damage.

sana hindi kayo magalit sa kin. sana matanggap nyo pa rin na kaibigan nyo ako. sana yung feelings of bitterness na nararamdaman nyo ay hindi magtagal. at sana payagan nyo pa rin akong tumambay.

sumimasen.

Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.
But now we'll never know.